I have no idea where this originated, but it's been circulating the internet for years. I added a few of my own embellishments...
From a Dog's Diary
8:00 am - Breakfast! My favorite thing!
9:00 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
9:50 am - Sniffed a dog's butt! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm: Squeaked my stuffed bear for 20 minutes straight! My favorite thing!
12:20 pm - Ripped the squeaker from my stuffed bear! My favorite thing!
12:25 pm: Popped the eyeballs off of my stuffed bear. My favorite thing!
12:35 pm: Pulled the stuffing from my stuffed bear! My favorite thing!
2:30 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
4:30 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
6:00 pm - Dinner! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
9:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!
From a Cat's Diary
Day 983 of my captivity. My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. The dog promptly eats it.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am. Bastards.
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I will try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.
The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now..
