True Story - One time I had to poop...

One time I had to poop in a public bathroom.

It was before an audition and there was only one bathroom with one toilet. A one-roomed bathroom. Outside a line of people waited for me to finish pooping so they could perhaps poop, too.

I pooped in the toilet.
I flushed the toilet.
The poop did not flush.
I flushed again.
Still it did not flush.

I stared at it for a while. It turned and spun. I thought hard. If I left my poop in the toilet - everyone would know it was me. And then I would have to audition with them, and look them in the eye and try and pretend that they had not just seen my poop floating in the toilet.

Leaving my poop in the toilet was not an option.

Oh, sure I could lie to the line of people waiting for me and pretend it was the person before me who had left the poop, but I am a horrible liar, and honestly, the thought did not occur to me.

Tick, tick, tick - the line of people waiting to use the bathroom grew restless.

I grabbed a wad of paper towels and stuck my hand in the murky toilet water, cupping my poop. Thankfully, it was a healthy, sturdy poop. Not too big. Not too small - and not at all watery. Solid stuff. And not at all smelly.

I dropped it in the garbage can, and attempted to bury it under a load of paper towels.

Satisfied, I swung open the bathroom door and gave the most innocent "I did not just dig my poop out of a public toilet and throw it in a garbage can" grin I could muster at the line of people awaiting me. You know the look I'm talking about about.

Needless to say, I did not get the part.